Jennifer Levin
Hi everyone and welcome to Untethered: Healing the pain from a sudden death. I am Dr. Jennifer Levin, and I specialize in traumatic death and helping individuals through the struggles, pain, trauma, and chaos of an unexpected death.
September is National Suicide Prevention Month and throughout the month, mental health advocates, prevention organizations, survivors, allies, and community members unite to promote suicide prevention awareness. According to the CDC, In 2023, more than 49,300 Americans died by suicide—an average of one every 11 minutes—marking one of the highest totals ever recorded in the U.S.
Among young people, the numbers are especially alarming. The CDC further reports that between 2007 and 2021, suicide rates among those aged 10 to 24 rose by 62%. According to the National alliance for mental illness, Suicide is now the second leading cause of death for ages 10–14 and the third for ages 15–24.
These statistics are not just numbers—they represent the lives, families, and communities forever changed. In today’s interview, Bob O’Brien shares with us the story of his family and son Aidan who died by suicide a little over six months ago.
Bob, I am so pleased to have you here with us today. So let's just start off by having you introduce yourself and anything that you want our listeners to know.
Bob O’Brien
Oh, sure, well, thank you for having me on Jennifer, brief bio, I guess. I'm originally from upstate New York, but I moved west in my late 20s and settled in the Seattle area after and there was a portion in there when I was a ski bum in Wyoming. But I've been here in Seattle. I met my wife, Lori, and we've been here on Whidbey Island, north of Seattle, for about the last 25 years, along with our son Ian and our goldendoodle, Ozzie. I work in tech, and Lori is an elementary school teacher. I guess that's summarizes it.
Jennifer Levin
Okay, so we are talking about your son today. Tell us a little bit about your son, who he was as a person, what you loved most about him, how you want to be able to remember him.
Bob O’Brien
Yeah, I think I'm going to get a little in depth here, because I think to give you a sense of who he was, I kind of have to cover some areas. You can interrupt me at any time, Jennifer, but I'm going to take some time, because I think it's important to have a good picture of who he was in order to think about what happened in the space that we're in now. So from a young age, Aidan was fairly exceptional. I guess every parent says that, right? He's amazing. But like, even in preschool, though, we went down, and I didn't even know they had parent teacher conferences in preschool, but they do, you learn something new every day. But I still had, there was a note in there from the preschool teacher that said, you know, Aidan has an innate sense of justice. And I thought to myself, Well, okay, he's five. Was he making sure the snacks were equitably distributed? I don't know. But anyway, I thought that was an interesting comment from a preschool teacher, but then through elementary school, he was, you know, student of the year when he graduated from there. Same thing in middle school, and there was a female, a friend, who was also doing those things. And then when he got into high school, it was pretty much the same thing, though. He did have a group project with a bunch of other kids, and it went bad, and he realized he wasn't going to have a perfect grade point average in high school, but he actually seemed relieved about that. But he did finish with an amazing grade point and did really well. But beyond that, also athletically, he was very successful. He played soccer from a very young age, he ran cross country. He did well in both of those things. He had a lot of meaningful games in soccer. His high school soccer team finished tied for fifth in the state one year, and he won a cross-country state championship in high school as well. So it wasn't just academics, it was everything, right? He also played marimba in a group. He participated in outdoor like survival camps and science fairs. And I don't know if you've heard of the Ragnar races. He once did a 24-hour Ragnar race with some friends around Mount Rainier, with other cross-country guys. And you know, each member of the team had to run three loops to almost 16 miles per runner over the course of like 24 hours. And there was like 250 plus teams, and they finished second, and they lost to like these Semi Pro guys from Seattle or whatever. So it seemed like everything he did individually or as part of a team was successful, and he had a great group of friends that he graduated from high school with, and once he got to the University of Washington, he kind of continued along the same path. He did well academically, he seemed to be doing well socially. He was a senior at the University of Washington. He had a couple of quarters left, and he had been studying chemistry and biochemistry, along with a wide variety of other things that he was interested in. But these are challenging areas of study, right? So he was handling them well. Even in these academically challenging areas, he was still probably in the neighborhood of a 3.75, grade point average or something, and that, along with the fact that he was doing research at the undergraduate level, that was pretty amazing. So his research was in the area of solar cell development, looking at developing non silicon materials that could be used to develop optimized solar cells. And he had made some progress to the point where I think his research was having an impact. He had a couple of quarters left in his senior year at the University of Washington, and even though he passed away in February of 2025 they still awarded him his degree posthumously, because he had already achieved the number of credits required. He had done all the work in advance, he took extra courses during the course of his career, and I think he was still continuing because he wanted to have, he wanted to finish with a double major in chemistry and biochemistry. And even after his passing, he ends up being listed as the second author on a research paper that is in review now, it's public on the web. And so what I'm getting to, on top of that, he was a senior, so he was exploring what was going to come next, and he had been offered full rides from a couple of prestigious schools, Colorado, Boulder and University of Wisconsin, Madison, teaching assistant jobs, half time, all this stuff in front of him, right?
Jennifer Levin
Very promising future.
Bob O’Brien
Yeah, and we didn't realize this until after his passing, but he was also deeply involved with a group of University of Washington chemistry students called the free radicals, and that's a group of mentors within the student community, that helps students learn and grow in the field of chemistry. So we had young folks coming up to us after a vigil that they held on campus by this group, saying, you know, I would never have made it through Chem 123, if it wasn't for Aidan. So we didn't even know that he was doing that. But so anyway, long story short, he was an amazing young man and the kind of child any parent would have been proud of. And the reason I'm telling you all this is not to brag about his accomplishments, though we are proud of him, of course, but to try to convey that this was a guy who didn't clearly exhibit any of the warning signs that one might expect to see of an at risk individual, you know, and in retrospect, there were some things, but we just never contemplated this as a possible outcome. So he was the kind of person who made you believe in you know that he was on a great path, and that's part of what's makes his loss so hard to understand.
Jennifer Levin
What do you want us to know about the way he died?
Bob O’Brien
For reasons, I won't go into too much here. I may discuss it later. I think the way I'd like to approach this kind of a question is to briefly discuss maybe a few days leading up to his death, because I think that give you some insight into our perspective when this happened, we had seen Aidan maybe nine or 10 days prior to his passing. We live on Whidbey Island, and he's at the University of Washington in Seattle, and we have to take a ferry to get there, so we came in on a Saturday and took him out to dinner at a nice place where we could talk and have a good discussion about how things were going, what he was doing, future plans, that kind of thing. And so he did express some concerns about the state of the world as we all do, things that were in the news. There was a family that he knew, the kids of out here on Whidbey island that was likely to be broken up, you know, things like at that time, research grants were at risk, including, I might add, ones that directly affected him, because the previous November, his department had told him, Hey, it's likely we're not going to get the grants we've had in the past, so we're going to have to cut our funding by 60% meaning he was going to have to go somewhere else to continue his research. And I know he's just deeply disappointed in that, but you know, none of that explains what happens. You know it. But anyways, generally, he was a very engaging conversationalist and had opinions about things, and that was one of the things I always loved about him. And so we left him that day feeling like things were okay, you know, and we had no reason to think any differently either, there had never been a sign to us or to anyone else, at least not were aware of that would indicate he was having any issues. And so a little over a week later, we saw him again. My wife, Lori, and I were going to a concert in Seattle, and as we are not kids anymore, we were going to stay overnight, and we had an extra ticket. And as it turned out, we just said, you know, why don't we give him a call and see if he wants to go to the concert with us? And he declined. He wasn't feeling well, and he was coming down with something, and he was going to stay at home. And so we went to the concert. We got up the next morning, we went to visit him in Seattle. We brought him a care package, right? A bunch of his favorite foods in it, various medicines to address his symptoms. You know, he thanked us profusely for bringing it by, and he hugged and kissed us both. He expressed the concern, you know, that he might infect us, so we shouldn't get too close. But we hugged him anyway. And you know, little did we know we were actually saying goodbye to him that day. So that was on a Monday, actually, President's Day. And so I work from home, and the next day, on Tuesday, I'm working from home, and a sheriff's SUV and another car pulled up outside our place, and they seemed to be looking at my neighbor's house a little bit, and I was getting a cup of coffee or something, and I thought like, wow, I wonder if there's anything I can help with. And I said, so I opened the door and I said, I don't think they're home right now. And they said, That's okay. We're looking for Robert O'Brien. And I said, Oh, that is me. Is anything wrong? And that's when they told me that Aidan was gone. And of course, I went through all the stages of shock that you might expect. There must be some mistake. We just saw him yesterday. He was a little sick, but he was okay, and so they had to go through the process of explaining that he wasn't dead from an illness, but instead, they confirmed to me my worst fears, so and then they asked where Lori was, and I said, well, she's an elementary school teacher, you know, so she's at work right now. And they said the one man was going to stay with me, and he proved to be a chaplain who works with the sheriff's department, and the other guy, the other sheriff's deputy, was going to the school to notify Lori and give her a ride home, and we we'd have to figure out how to pick up her car later. But and I was just stunned by the whole experience, as was Lori, you know, called out of her classroom to the office to learn this news and then have a sheriff's deputy escort her from the building and drive her home. You know, it ended her school year. It was horrific, and so he brought Lori home, and we embraced and just bald, and the deputy and the chaplain were so nice, offering whatever comfort they could. But obviously we were just in shock and despair at that point, but that pretty much immediately turned into concern for our other son, who was in eastern Washington at college. So we were terrified he was going to find out the news from someone else, or in some other way, and so we grabbed our dog, we jumped in my truck, and we drove across the state almost immediately, like as soon as the sheriff left our driveway, we packed the bag, jumped in the truck, and headed out for Spokane and you know, so we met up with him, we brought him to our hotel room, and that's where we broke the news, and we just spent a day, and then brought him back home, and just started to figure out how to deal with this. And you know, and that day changed everything. It was the beginning of a new reality, and one we never imagined we'd be facing.
Jennifer Levin
I can only imagine what that must have been like when that car pulled up, and your life has never been the same since then.
Bob O’Brien
100%
Jennifer Levin
I think you called me a little over a week ago and left a message, and I when I heard your message, I felt such a mixture of gratitude and sorrow when I received your call, gratitude you expressed so much gratitude yourself that the stories on this podcast have brought you and your wife some comfort, hearing from other people when they have expressed what they've gone through and that you've found It you share to be such a helpful resource, but then pain that this is something that you are going through after your son's unexpected suicide. I'm so sorry that you are now part of this community that no parent ever wishes to join. But along with that, I have so much respect for your courage, because you said that you wanted to share this story and here you are so new in your journey, when the emotions are still so raw and so what led you to reach out and want to share your journey and your story so early on?
Bob O’Brien
Thank you. Yeah, I think what I what sticks with me is that if this can happen to Aidan, or if he felt like he was at a place where this was the, you know, the outcome, or whatever it could happen to anyone. And that's why I'm here. I guess I want to help others see what might be hidden, and to encourage real, vulnerable conversations with people you love, because there were no outward symptoms that we could see, no drug problem, no drinking problem, no academic problem, no physical problem. You know, nothing that would raise a concern for a parent. And I think that's what is so hard, that maybe if he had some outward manifestation of an issue, you know, if he failed courses one quarter or, you know, conflicts with friends or professors, or if there had been anything that would cause a parent to step in and take a more active role in helping their child work through something, perhaps it would have become apparent that it needed more engagement, that we would have been engaged, and perhaps this outcome would have been different, right? So I guess what I wanted to say, and why I'm here today talking with you, is that regardless of how your loved ones appear to be doing. I think we have to go a level deeper to perhaps one that is uncomfortable and often tough to have, especially with young people, until we get to the point where we can really see, feel and relay how our loved ones are really doing. Because in the months since we've been able to, we haven't been able to take anything for granted, you know, both with each other and also with our son, Ian. You know, saying I'm fine isn't good enough anymore, because that's what Aidan said to us. You know what I mean. So we need to actually talk through in a much deeper way, what's going on. And in that respect, I suppose this has been something of a blessing. If there's a silver lining, I guess we've gotten to know each other better in a deeper and more emotional way. And the flip side of this, though, is, I think that especially with this being suicide prevention and awareness month, which is obviously a time where we think about raising awareness and kind of promoting hope around for people. I think we need to be aware of the way we talk about and deal with people in distress, like we need to normalize help seeking, and we need to remove this stigma away from mental health distress and issues. Because, you know, people who do help others are championed in this society, which is great, right? I mean, there's volunteers who are doing great work, and they help people out when they don't have to, but just as we champion those people, we should also champion people for seeking help and embrace them just as much as the people who are offering help, because seeking help is such a brave act in this world. Like I think we should cheer people who are on that path. And I think, you know, if we just take a step back and think about historical and legal traditions in America, in this space, they're not always helpful, right? And the legal approach in historical terms has been to codify suicide as a criminal offense, right? I mean, so is that helpful? You know? I mean, I just think that we have to think of it differently. And I want to emphasize we didn't have any warning signs, so we need to engage in a very deep way. And I look at especially not to beat this to death, but this age group, this group of kids, folks now in their early 20s, in a world of social media and pandemics and deep political divisions, you know, we actually have to take extra care to make sure they're okay, you know, and I think that's not something that a large number of young people in particular are going to want to do, but I think that's what we need to do. Our son is not the only one who is struggling. The next time your kid comes to you and says, I'm fine, I don't know, have them listen to this podcast or make sure that they know they have someone they are really okay with. You know, can we make it normal? Not every time, but sometimes to ask twice how someone is doing, and really go deep? I think we have to find a way to get there. And lastly, I'm here, I guess selfishly, because I'm not obsessing about the why he did it, and we can talk about that some more, but I'm wondering if we can get other people to share their stories and let us know if anything we've represented here, resonates with you, or were there things you recognized in your own journey? I know listening to the episodes of your podcast has helped me, and I want other people to do the same, so that this becomes a more normal way to speak of these things. And so I'll stop right there.
Does that make sense?
Jennifer Levin
Oh, my goodness, so much sense. And this has been such a heavy week. It's, as you mentioned, it's suicide awareness and prevention month, and I've learned of five young people who've taken their life in the last week, your son being one of them. But, yeah, it it's, there are no words. And so the fact that we are having words, we are having conversation right now is is so important, and words are exactly what we need to be doing. Tell me a little bit about how your life, your family life, has changed in such a short time since your son's death.
Bob O’Brien
Yeah, it's been it there's like it's one of those inflection points in life. I think there's before,
before and after.
Jennifer Levin
Before and after…
Bob O’Brien
That's right, but I think we're much more I think at home, we give each other more grace than perhaps we have in the past, those little foibles that you know, drive us nuts or whatever. I think we're more sensitive to how other folks in our house are feeling at any given time and what they're doing in areas where we may need to help each other through certain tasks or whatever. There was a period after he passed and before the memorial, which was like three months later, where we were really focused on that, and so we were looking at and discussing specific details of what should be presented and who should talk at the memorial, gathering pictures making plans for, you know, a Celebration of Life Event and getting all this stuff together was intense but it was actually quite important for the grieving process. So my wife was processing photos and developing a video of Aidan at younger years, and I worked on the high school and college years, and we basically went through this daily process of working on those things. And it caused me to face it on a daily basis, and I grieved and cried and shook my face and fist at the skies, you know, for basically every day. Up until that memorial, and you know, it was a real cathartic event for us. And you know, as we, once it was over, you know, we felt even more troubling in some ways, because we didn't have an event to prepare for anymore, and so now what? Now we're just, you know, we're left with this hole in our heart that just continues on. And Lori, being a teacher here, you know, the community here has been amazing, and Lori especially, too, I think she's getting back in the classroom, you know, maybe we'll start to get out a bit more. We'll see. But our son, you know, Ian, is much more sensitive to the fact that we're fragile. And, you know, it's hard, just hard for us to gage how he's doing, because he tries to put a brave face on everything. And he's an amazing kid, but he wants to know that we're okay. And so there's been much more intense focus for us than it would have been in prior years to make sure that we're okay. So we're still learning how to live in this space, but we're trying to do it together, you know, and with a little more empathy for each other, I would say.
Jennifer Levin
What has been the most challenging part of the day to day, aspect of living with your grief?
Bob O’Brien
Yeah, I think it's that grief doesn't really care what you're doing, and it doesn't affect you on a set schedule.
Jennifer Levin
Oh, yeah, can't time it, can't schedule it.
Bob O’Brien
You know, I'd find myself working or in a work meeting, and it sometimes, at times, I just could not pay attention to the subject of the meeting. I'd find my eyes. I have multiple. I'm in tech, so I have multiple screens, multiple laptops at any given time, and I had pictures, you know, maybe in front of me on one, um, you know, and I just, it's just really hard. I had to take some time, and so I think it took a while, but, you know, we're back to at least a minimum bar functional level of life, and I think we're able to handle the day to day. It's been over six months. So that seems like a short amount of time, and yet it seems incredibly long in other ways, I don't know, I think in terms of what's most challenging now, you know, there's still these moments where I do still have this, as I said, this hole in my heart, you know, and it makes me very vulnerable at any given moment. So someone I might be encountering, you know, at the recycling center or in the grocery store, or it could be a song, it could be something trivial or inconsequential, and I'm sure that's confusing to some of the people encountering, me out in the world. You know, it's just the way it is. I'm going to be an emotional animal now. So I think that's the thing. It's just that uncertainty and that it's not on a schedule.
Jennifer Levin
Yeah, you mentioned a lot of support from community. Where else, have you found support?
Bob O’Brien
Um, we we've been reading books, and I found that books are helpful. The thing that is tough is that many volumes on grief talk about all kinds of causes for that grief, and which is appropriate, obviously, but I think the reason why I was kind of gravitating to your podcast in particular was that you're talking about traumatic and sudden occurrences in not all books on grief are that particular in the way they approach the subject. And I think I was kind of searching out specific things like, you know, suicide, you know, especially in the areas of kids who seemingly they were doing well and had not many obvious external symptoms that would make you think they were at risk. And that's there's not, really not a lot out there. It's actually within your podcast episodes, when I went back through some of them, and there's some amazing family stories in there where they've shared so much with you during the course of these podcasts, where they resonated with me. And you know, truth be told only a couple of times, but beyond that, you know, we have such a great community of friends and coworkers and just folks all over been holding us in their care over this period of time. And you know, the other thing I would say is going to back to the notion of preparing for the more at Memorial. One thing I did find that while I was preparing my video for the memorial service each day, you know, I kind of used that as a way to, it was kind of therapeutic for me because each day I would work on the video, I would add a few more pictures, and I would run the video again and see how it's coming together. So by the time of the service, I had viewed it hundreds of times. So I was doing this first thing in the morning, before I started work, 6, 5;30 in the morning, I would get up and run through the process of reviewing pictures, adding them to the video, and then, you know, run through the latest iteration, and it caused me really to work on my grief on a daily basis, because it was almost ritualistic in the way that I was approaching it, and it was powerful for me. So I don't know if that would work for others, but I'm sure, not sure I could have gone back to work if I didn't have something that I got out of the way first thing in the morning, really, you know, when it's quiet. And the other thing I would say that really helped me was I was reading a book in our living room, and my wife was reading a book too. We were both reading books on grief, and my book had a chapter in it that was titled something like, can you forgive your child, or something like that. And I don't, I don't know why it struck me as odd. I wasn't actually exactly sure why it struck me as odd, but I it made me stop, and I put my book down, and I said to Lori, like, you know, she's reading your own book. And I said, you know, this book is saying, it's asking me if I can forgive Aidan, you know. And so the thing about it is that Lori replied immediately, you know, and with such clarity that it really helped me turn a corner. And from then on, and it was her response was immediately, you know, there's nothing to forgive. We love Aidan unconditionally, and we still do so the why doesn't matter, you know. And I think that's a huge thing to consider, you know, because up until that moment, there's so much guilt and sorrow and regret wrapped into this entire situation. But I think the thing you have to realize is that if you do love someone unconditionally and you really mean it, you know, then why they did something becomes secondary to the thing that's primary. That's primary, you know, it is the priority, and that is love and that. So if you, if that's true, then you, you gotta have that be the way that you approach it, you know. So I still wonder about the why, you know, as we've talked about, I wonder about things like perfectionism, because he was, but, you know, and whether that was a factor or, you know, or something like that else going on, but, you know, it really took a huge weight off of me when I just accepted the fact that I loved Aidan unconditionally, and I'm super grateful for the two decades we did have with him, and we have some incredible memories together, and I wouldn't want it to have missed any of it, right? So I end up more at a place of gratitude for him than I do obsessing over the why, if that makes sense, and it was interesting that a mother's immediate response to the question on forgiveness is what really provided me with that gift.
Jennifer Levin
Thank you for sharing that. And that's something you know, there's a lot of things in common with, you know, setting an unexpected death, but that's something that's pretty unique to to suicide of that decision. You know, what else do you think people need to know about suicide in general? Or what else do you want them to know?
Bob O’Brien
Well, we touched on it earlier, and I just think I'm concerned that maybe this area, I don't know if it applies to Aidan or not. We've poured through his phone, you know, we've looked at communications that we had with him. It appears potentially, there was this feeling that he had to be perfect or something. And so I don't know if that's true, but I do know it's something to keep an eye on. You know, perfectionism, one of the things that I noted in one of the podcast episodes that you had there was this couple had a daughter who was amazing, right? A perfect grade point and was going to University of Washington. Was athletic, played sports. Was well liked, socially, you know, doing okay. And I think, but it was, she was just like Aidan, she was on the brink of heading to college, and Aidan was on the brink of heading to graduate school. And, you know, I think they look at these things, maybe these kids who are successful and they will see the next challenge as too high a mountain to climb. I don't know. Again, successful young people who are potentially at a crossroads where they may, where they're going to have to take on something new and that huge challenge, maybe they don't feel up to it. Again, and I, I don't know about this, I've been looking into some things on the web that relate to that. And you know, the web is the web. I don't know if that's really a good thing or not, but it feels like an explanation that could resonate. I was talking to one of his good friends, who they had known since they were babies, basically who ended up going to Stanford and studying physics there and had almost a perfect grade point average there. And he said that he had had discussions with Aidan about, boy, this next stage is going to be so tough, because, you know, I already feel like I've given everything I have, and now this is going to be daunting. And, you know, I think I would just want people to be aware of that kind of thing. I don't know if it was a factor for Aidan or not, but I think I've come to see how it can weigh heavily on high achieving young people, when life presents a new challenge, they may feel like they've already given everything they have and their whole world has been built on developing this persona of achievement, you know, and the next step might be too much, and they may be unable to see how we view them or not. You know, we would have been happy if he came home and worked at Dairy Queen. You know, there has to be a way to place their circumstances in context and give them help.
Jennifer Levin
Yeah, what do you think needs to happen more broadly? You know, you talked about just the conversations that need to occur, but what type of efforts or changes do you need? Do you think would be helpful on a larger scale to make a real difference when it comes to suicide prevention?
Bob O’Brien
It's an interesting question, and I've been thinking about it in a broader context, beyond the details of Aidan's situation. I think one thing that I've been thinking about is, if we know that most people will feel, you know, deep despair at some point in their lives. You know, I think we need to make mental health care truly accessible and just normal, right? It's got to be, we all go to doctors for physical stuff, but I think many more of us should be considering the other kind of doctors you know, and I know people are beginning to open up to that for sure because, but the fact is, you know, everyone you know and everyone I know is likely to experience deep despair at some point during their life, maybe a loved one died, or they just find that life has been torn apart by health problems or financial problems or whatever, deep despair is going to happen. And so how we prepare for that? It's going to be key to how do we get through it. So my thought would be, if we know that almost every person in this country is eventually going to go in deep despair, how can we do more than just pay lip service to providing mental health resources and and then, honestly, I feel like, when you look at the statistics, can we just take away some of the easy methods that are available to people to take such drastic steps. You know, if I had a second shot at Aidan, the thing was, he was pretty good at whatever he tried to do. So, yeah, I don't know. There's just a lot of things there. I think we have to think deeply about the environments in our home and how safe they are and what we make available, and maybe think about making some changes there. Yeah, we got to give people a chance.
Jennifer Levin
These are definitely complex issues that are not easily solved. What are you hoping others are going to take away from hearing Aidan's story and your family story from our conversation today?
Bob O’Brien
I think for the people listening who are grieving a traumatic, you know, especially sudden loss, just think more about the unconditional love part of this, that was a great comfort to me to really prioritize that in my thinking, and that helps me be grateful for every day I had with them, and also helps me to be grateful for all the new and, you know, amazing connections that have been created as a result of sharing in a community of grief, I've met more people who have experienced similar losses, perhaps not in the same way, but nonetheless, losses that have affected them very deeply in their lives. And they're walking around with us, and they're doing their day-to-day tasks and working or whatever, and it's just me. Me more empathetic to nearly everyone I see, you know, and so I think when you start with unconditional love and work from there, the why is something that will nag at you, and it's not wrong to investigate it a bit, you know, but just start with the unconditional love and feeling grateful for how that person was impacting your life, and then go from there, you know, if you prioritize it as the top thing, I think you'll end up in a better place, and also you know, as we've discussed, it isn't linear, you know, we're gonna have to accept that, and there'll be some unscripted moments where we just need to cry, you know, so just being open with that is super important, I think.
Jennifer Levin
Yeah and just being able to tolerate and to sit into those feelings, yeah. So the last question I always ask everybody is, what advice would you give to another parent in sitting in your shoes right now, who has to start off brand new, navigating the suicide loss of their child.
Bob O’Brien
I think others have said this more, but you're just going to have to let your emotions rip at a certain point. Honestly, you're just going to have to do it. I've been at several concerts and started crying. I've had strangers console me. I've had it happen in grocery stores. I've been in business meetings. I just said, be right back. We do BRB in the chat and say, I'll be right back. You just got to go through it, and you got to let those emotions flow. And even when it seems like you're kind of healing. I think you have to push through and continue to experience those feelings, because part of why I'm here today is that this forced me to prepare for this, right? I knew you were going to ask some questions that were going to take me through some stuff, but that's not a bad thing, right? That I had to really think it through and confront how I was going to answer questions like this, and that is progress. Everything we've discussed is progress, and I think people are in the mode of continuing to stuff everything down inside. It may seem like a good short term strategy, and maybe you got to do it for a couple minutes, but maybe that gets you through today. But if that stuffing down continues for very long, I think you're going to do possibly lasting damage to your long-term health, you know, to your relationships with your loved ones and friends. I don't know if you're going to be able to turn the corner to gratitude as quickly or as completely as maybe you would if, if you would start to address some of these emotions. So I think that's it. You got to work your way through the despair and get to the next place. And you know, the other thing I would offer to parents who are grieving the loss of a child to suicide in particular, is the idea that there's no way to know, but if, what if you hadn't provided a high level of love and support to your child, that that you did, you know they might have been gone sooner. I don't know. They might not have been here as long as they were. Perhaps, if home life, life was abusive, or if they were in an extreme situation, you know, poverty, or whatever, you know, impacting that child's life in a negative way, they might not have been here as long as they were. So I know that's small consolation, but I believe it to be true. So you know, if you listening and you lost someone, I hope you're not alone, first of all, and you can find people, and if you haven't lost someone, I hope you'll take this as a reminder to check in, like, really check in with the people you love, because sometimes you know the ones who seem the strongest and the ones who seem to need it the least are the ones who actually need it the most, so that's it.
Jennifer Levin
Thank you so much for everything that you've shared and offered with us today. I think there were just some brilliant points for us to remember saying, I'm fine is not enough, and the ones who seem to sometimes not need it at all are the ones who need it the most.
Bob O’Brien
So my younger son can tell you that that's fine isn't good enough anymore. He's been grilled.
Jennifer Levin
Well, when we get off air, I'll tell you it what we a definition for fine that is not appropriate for air. Okay, so Bob, thank you so much for your time today.
Bob O’Brien
Thank you for the opportunity. I really appreciate what you do, and I'm looking forward to more episodes. Jennifer, so thanks.
Jennifer Levin
Thank you.
We are releasing Bob’s story today, September 10th 2025 on World Suicide Prevention Day in the middle of National Suicide Prevention Week. The purpose of this week is to shine a brighter light on suicide prevention—to raise awareness, reduce stigma, and encourage real conversations about mental health, suicide and devastation it leaves in its aftermath.
National Suicide Prevention Week reminds us that suicide is preventable, and that each of us has a role to play—whether by listening, reaching out, or connecting someone to help.
If you or someone you love is experiencing suicidal thoughts or emotional distress, please know that you are not alone. Help is available. You can dial or text 988 right now to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, where trained counselors are ready to listen and support you 24/7.
Talking about suicide is never easy, but every conversation matters. Each of us has the power to make a difference—by raising awareness, reducing stigma, and working together toward prevention. And remember saying I’m fine is not enough and reaching out for help is a sign of strength.
Thank you so much to Bob for sharing his story today and for being part of this important dialogue. For more information about resources and support after a suicide please visit www.therapyheals.com.
